Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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