A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The uberlube is also flammable
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
