he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
