I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
