just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
