At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
