Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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