What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
