i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize