2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
