Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
