I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
