Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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