He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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