There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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