come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
