Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
