I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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