Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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