I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she told me i tasted like america
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
