new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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