I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
