when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
