Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
