Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
