His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
