Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
