i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
