yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
