I haven't been this sober since birth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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