Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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