I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
