You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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