I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
