i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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