there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Michael Bay diarrhea
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
