ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
