you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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