Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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