I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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