my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
