Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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