So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
