cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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