True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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