He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
