Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
