I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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