sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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