We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
