How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
