6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
