I feel like abortions should bother me more
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
