some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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