i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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