At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
