theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i will never coherently bang her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
