shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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