your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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