it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
