ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
