are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
