I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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