big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
