we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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