last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
