One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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